I am not going to write about who did this and what could have been done, we have an awful lot of analysts (including you) for that. I am just going to write what I felt all along. And what at times made me feel absolutely nothing. Ever since I came to Mumbai, I dreaded travelling, for all the names I knew here were somehow related to blasts. But all this while, the Mumbaikar was perforating in me, and today as Mumbai bleeds, I feel hollowed and disgusted to the core of being.
When it all began, I hoped it was a gang war of some kind and may be it’s already over as I hear news. But when the first scenes of AK-47 & CST arrived, I knew it had happened. It was such an effect that I could just sit with remote in one hand and type from other. I had no feelings until, they said ATS Chief is no more, and (literally) first thing that came to my mind was – They killed two IPS already!! I was shocked and alert; I went out to see my apartment window for any activity outside, drew the curtains and took my position on Twitter. The remaining days I saw, typed, conveyed only one thing - news. And in between kept pouring in what I believed was the emotional morphine everyone required, isn’t it strange that a crowd which is often attributed to impulsive and irresponsible behavior actually rallied for more than 60 hours (already & it still continues) just to pass on information like blood shortage, emergency numbers and calming down each other, assuring each other of support and letting no enmity creep in across any religious section (at least online), and I have reason to believe they carried it of with them to their work place and neighborhood all the while. What some people said appeared as an ugly face of media, who themselves still report that 2 terrorists were killed inside Taj this morning even after a press release by NSG Chief, was a deliberate, thoughtful, responsible and calming effort by millions across globe. Yes, we had an odd someone coming in bashing countries & religions, but it was really amazing to see no one waging verbal war but to simply block them. It is the longest discussion ever (#Mumbai) and it still continues.
An ATS chief, who takes a service revolver to combat AK47, a 31 year old MARCO dreaming from 3rd standard to join army, an NSG hawaldar who after being hit, doesn’t not leave his position so that his colleagues don’t face fire – what were these men made of? Is it not strange that they ate, breathe on the same soil as some Advani who at such situation was criticizing government instead of (for a millisecond) being a true India who stood by people who have made him. I don’t see anyone in politics that I could look to and feel – yes, he feels what I do. A terrorist has no religion/country, people who want to use them have a nation & religion. People asked me whether anything would change or not. I don’t know. But I would, I am going to be more honest & braver to my country and myself. I can’t change the world, I can change myself, and really this is where it all starts isn’t it. Some people died last week so that I could live more, I have to make this work, there is no other option.
All through watching the harsh reality over television, I just remember a song. Ironically, some Pakistanis composed it:
